Palisade of Broken Dreams
by Lightseeker
Summary: Knights of the Old Republic. This story features a Light Side male Revan and takes place shortly after the KOTOR 1 ending.
1. Fate's Irony

_Notes: Knights of the Old Republic belongs to Bioware and LucasArts._

_Palisade of Broken Dreams_

Forty-eight hours ago, the Republic had been fighting a losing battle against Malak's Sith forces, centered around the Star Forge. Against all odds and expectations, the tide had finally been turned to the Republic's advantage. With the destruction of the Star Forge and the death of their leader, Malak's forces had scattered. Instead of mercilessly crushing their enemy, they suddenly found themselves being hunted down by the members of the Republic Fleet.

However, not all of the Republic survivors had joined the effort of tracking down the remaining host of Malak's Sith army.

On the Rakatan planet, a small contingent of the Republic fleet had been left behind to initiate further diplomatic relations with the Elders. That same morning, the contingent's leaders and the Rakatan priests had decided to make preparations for a feast celibrating the Republic victory.

Many lives had been lost and many sacrifices had been made at the battle of the Star Forge. But the light had defeated the dark and as a result, the Republic had managed to survive once more.

Yet, one could only wonder if that victory hadn't come at too great a cost.

The Republic had been tattered and weakened. Would it prove to be strong and capable enough should another threat arise on the horizon?

Standing on the top level of the Temple, Ayden watched as the people moved about on the grounds below. He sighed softly. It would appear that this particular day would -in all probability- turn out to be a busy one, especially for him. It had been made clear that it was expected of him to make an appearance during the feast.

He was not particularly looking forward to the whole ordeal. It felt more than just a little awkward considering his past. Unconsciously, Ayden's hands folded into tight fists.

He felt something cut into the flesh of his left hand.

Absent-mindedly, Ayden stared at his hand. He watched as tiny drops of blood trickled onto the surface of the temple floor. Through the bond he felt that Bastila had become aware his injury. She reached for him, her concern more than evident. Ayden quickly tried to reassure her that she did not need to worry, but he could feel that his attempt barely had a noticable effect on her.

He opened up his hand and assessed his injury. The bleeding had already ceased and the cut on his palm turned out to be a superficial one. There would certainly be no need to use his force abilities to heal it.

The smooth and cold surface of the item responsible for his injury pressed lightly againt his flesh.

His medal.

A symbol meant to signify his redemption to the universe. The prodigal son had returned to the fold. Darth Revan, former Dark Lord and bane of the Republic, was no more.

There was only Jedi Knight Revan, servant of the Light.

It had been a bold statement Vandar had made during the medal ceremony. He just wished that he could be as certain about its truth as the Jedi master had been. The reality of his predicament was that not everyone would be as quick as Vandar to claim his redemption. In addition to that, Ayden knew it many people would refuse to accept it.

He doubted that there would ever be a simple way to prove them that he was no longer the person he had been as Darth Revan. There would be some who would surely demand justice and expected him to be punished for his past deeds. It would not matter to them that he had no recollection of that particular period of his life.

He sighed again.

" Observation: Master...for some reason I cannot possibly phantom...your current state seems to be what you meatbags call 'depressed'." HK-47 said, making his presence known. To ensure his master's safety, he had accompanied him to the top level of the temple. Upon arrival, the droid had meticulously scanned the surroundings for possible threats. Finding none, he had decided to take up residence in the shadows behind the human.

" Query: Would you like me to kill a couple of meatbags for you to lighten up your mood? It would certainly make me feel better."

" I have no doubt in my mind that it would make you feel better, HK. However...going on a bloody and mindless killing spree somehow doesn't quite have the same effect on me anymore," Ayden said wearily as he turned to look at his droid. If one were to look at it, one would come to the conclusion that this was not an ordinary droid. Its typical behavior displayed and exuded its Dark Side programming. " Call it a hunch, but I don't think it would be particularly appreciated by anyone else on this planet either."

" Statement: Suit yourself, Master. Pity...you don't know what you're missing out on."

Some had wondered why he hadn't changed its behavioral patterns. He had told them that the droid amused him and that it had its uses, but in reality those were not the main reasons. HK-47 was just about the only physical remnant and reminder that was left of his life as Darth Revan.

" I'll manage," Ayden countered dryly.

" I figured that it was your voice I heard. It's good to know that these old ears of mine are still working. " Jolee Bindo stood in the entrance, his arms crossed and casually leaning against the wall. "Although I am surprised to find you here...considering what happened."

" Old man...I don't want to be rude, but what are you doing here?" Ayden asked bluntly.

" The exact same thing as you're doing, kid..." Jolee countered with a shrug.

" Which is?"

" Staying the hell away from those nosy Jedi and their annoying questions," he answered. " It's times like these that make me long for Kashyyyk. At least there I wouldn't be bothered with all those people constantly following me around...poking and prodding. Is it that difficult to let an old relic like me enjoy some peace and quiet?"

" Query: would you like me to put you out of your misery, old meatbag?" HK-47 spoke with a hint of glee in his voice.

" HK..." Ayden warned.

" Don't you 'old meatbag' me, you bag of bolts," Jolee sneered as he jumped away from the entrance and started moving towards HK-47. "It might be a difficult concept for your droid brain to grasp, but people my age are entitled to complain, damnit!"

" Statement: How endearing. Unfortunately...I have concluded that the older a meatbags gets, the less useful it tends to be. Thus, it would be imperative to..."

" HK, that's enough!" Ayden shouted, interrupting the droid.

" Statement: Master. I was merely trying to offer help to one of your meatbag comrades. I thought it would be most appreciated."

" You little..."

" Jolee...HK. Both of you stop, please?" Ayden raised his free hand in the air, trying to diffuse the situation before it got completely out of control. He paused, observing his droid and his friend.

HK-47 stood motionless and simply stared back at him, ignoring the older man. In turn, Jolee had halted his approach towards the droid and found himself standing two feet away from it. He was sporting a particularly grumpy expression on his features.

Ayden ran his fingers through his short hair. " HK, people generally don't like it if someone offers to kill them. Some of us meatbags value our lives more than you might suspect us to..."

" Statement: If you say so, Master. I shall refrain from offering to help the old meatbag end his existence in future endeavors. However, I want it to be noted that I do not think I will ever understand meatbags."

" Is that good enough for you, Jolee?"

" I suppose that it will have to do...for now anyway," the old man mumbled.

" Great! Problem solved," Ayden exclaimed, his gaze moving from HK-47 to Jolee and back again. Suddenly a wave of pain shot through his brain and before he could prevent it a moan managed to escaped from his throat.

"What's wrong?" Jolee asked, concern written all over his face.

"It's nothing...just a headache," Ayden answered as he gently started to rub his temple with his fingers. "I've been having them on and off again since I defeated Malak. There's absolutely no need to worry, Jolee. I've been through worse pains than this."

"Hmmm...I'll be the judge of whether I need to worry about you or not, kid," Jolee returned, folding his arms. He watched as a frown appeared on the younger man's face. Without a doubt he knew that Ayden was trying to figure out what he was going to do next. " Whether you want to flat out deny it or not, you've been brooding ever since you set foot on this planet again..."

Ayden opened his mouth, but before he could speak Jolee had managed to cut him off.

"No, let me finish," Jolee interrupted. "Honestly...youngsters such as you should not be brooding. It's not healthy. Instead, you should leave brooding, sulking and complaining to old folks such as myself."

"What would you have me do?" Ayden asked curiously.

Jolee grabbed hold of Ayden's arm and started to drag him towards the walkway to the lower levels of the temple. "Tell me, kid...how do you feel about us grabbing some beer?"


	2. Misery Makes Company

Chapter 2

Misery makes company

On top of a cliff, overlooking the ocean and the beach where the Ebon Hawk had landed, stood Padawan Bastila Shan. Contemplating and lost in thought, she stared at the horizon absent-mindedly.

"Bastila?"

Frowning, she turned her head to look over her shoulder. She had not quite expected to see him so soon after he had left.

Earlier that morning, Canderous had declared that he had more constructive things to do with his time while they were visiting the Rakatan planet than to wait for another Republic ceremony. He had merely followed Revan into battle, hoping to regain what he had once lost.

However, the irony of a Mandelorian suddenly being heralded as a saviour of the Republic had not escaped his notice.

Still, Canderous Ordo was not one for sitting around and patiently waiting for the upcoming festivities to arrive. He had come across tales of fierce and dangerous beasts living in the jungle near the Temple grounds. It had not taken him long to plan an outing into the jungle to see if he could hone his skills as a warrior by hunting those creatures.

What had been surprising was the fact that he had managed to convince some of the others to accompany him. Zaalbar, Mission and even Carth had gone with him.

"Carth..."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes," she smiled. "It's just that I had not expected you to be back this soon. How did the hunt go?"

"With the exception of a couple of scrapes and bruises, I'd guess you could say that it went well," Carth Onasi flashed a boyish grin at her. "Canderous even brought a couple of Rancor heads back as trophies. The last time I saw him, he was showing them off to a couple of the Republic soldiers and telling them that they would have never even have managed to kill a single one of those creatures. I think I also heard him tell them that he wants to bring them onboard the Hawk...maybe use them as decoration."

"You are joking...are you not?" Bastila asked incredulously. Yet, the expression on his face did not lie.

Carth Onasi was telling her the truth.

"Don't worry, Bastila. I'm sure we will be able to convince Canderous to give his trophies to someone as a gift. The One would absolutely love to get his rancors back, although he might not be very appreciative of the fact that they're no longer quite in one piece."

Bastila sighed softly. "Men..."

"If you're looking for Rev...Ayden...Canderous and I came across a soldier who had seen him leaving the temple along with Jolee and HK-47 a while ago. He mentioned that the three of them were heading towards the Hawk in a hurry, but didn't know why," Carth said as he gestured at the spaceship located beneath them.

"He's keeping something from me, Carth," Bastila said softly. "I can sense it."

Carth raised an eyebrow. "You know what Ayden's like, Bastila. He's probably trying not to bother you with his problems."

"It's no excuse," Bastila uttered rashly. She regretted her words as soon as they had left her lips and firmly reminded herself that they had been heavily influenced by her growing frustration. Through the bond she shared with Ayden, she could feel that something was worrying him. The fact that he had not chosen to talk to her about it, bothered her more than she cared to admit. "I do not need to be coddled nor do I need to be protected from harm. I...I can take of myself."

"Yes, of course you can," Carth answered. "But with all you've been through, can you really blame him for not telling you about what might be troubling him?"

Bastila shook her head."No, I cannot truly fault him for that. It's merely...frustrating. I only wish to help him. Why is it that it is alright for him to help me, but when I wish to do the same for him..."

"He has a hard time letting you do something like that?" Carth smiled as he finished her sentence. "Sometimes us men do stuff like that when it comes to the women we love. We want to act like nothing is wrong, so they won't have a reason to worry. Call it stupid, Bastila. Hell...call it whatever you want. The thing is that we eventually do come to realize that we can't do it alone all of the time. Although sometimes we might need a helping hand in reaching that conclusion. Trust me on this, I know what I'm talking about..."

"I know...and thank you," Bastila said. A smile flashed across her face as she stared at the Ebon Hawk.

xxxxx

"What's that exactly?" Ayden asked as he eyed the canister Jolee was holding suspiciously. The old man had dragged him all the way back to the Ebon Hawk and told him that he had something better in mind than drinking beer.

"Kid, this here is exactly what you need right now," Jolee smirked. "And believe me...it packs quite the punch."

"Right..." Ayden said, amused. "Nice attempt at evading my question, old man. So come on...what is it?"

"You'll find out soon enough."

"I'm not going to get an answer out of you, am I?"

"No."

Ayden sighed. "I guess that will have to do."

"Good," Jolee stated. "Now sit down. All this standing around makes my bones ache."

"Well…I don't want you to start complaining about my lack of manners and not showing respect to my elders," Ayden spoke, grinning. He waited for Jolee to sit down on the floor before doing the same.

"You talk too much. Shut up and start drinking, kid," Jolee retorted, handing Ayden the canister. He watched as the younger man's face contorted after swallowing his first sip.

Ayden coughed. "That's pretty strong stuff."

"I did tell you that it packed quite a punch, so you can't say that I didn't warn you."

"No offence, but you say a lot of things," Ayden said.

"And if you were smart, you would know when to listen," Jolee laughed. It was good to see that the boy had recovered at least a part of his humour. He had made the right decision with his attempt to lighten Ayden's mood.

However, there were serious matters that needed to be discussed.

"Have you told her?"

Jolee's question echoed through the room.

Ayden stared at the wall in front of him and took another sip from the canister. The expression on his face was unreadable as he handed it back to Jolee.

"Kid?"

He shook his head. "No...she's been through a lot. I don't want to bother her with trivial things."

"That's nice and very considerate, but don't you think that she deserves to be told? It's better that she hears it from you instead of one of the others. Ayden, don't push her away when you don't need to."

"Don't you think that I know that?" Ayden countered, a slight trace of anger lingering within his voice. The truth was that he had actually been debating about telling Bastila what was troubling him. Yet every time an opportunity arose, he had managed to convince himself that timing was not right.

Something had broken inside of her.

He found it difficult to see her like that...utterly wrecked with guilt over the things she had done after she had fallen to the Dark Side. Compared to her, his return to the Light Side had been far easier, since he could simply no longer remember his life as Revan.

"Love ain't easy, kid," Jolee stated as he drank from the canister. "But it ain't all bad either...especially on the good days."

"I admire how you've remained positive about something like that in spite of what happened to you and everything..."

"Hmmm...I think I could say the same thing about you, kid," Jolee said. "Those Council fools should count themselves lucky that things have turned out the way they have. It was a cruel thing they did and they took an enormous risk by doing so. You could have just as easily decided to turn to the dark instead of following the light. The worst case scenario for them would have been if you and Bastila both had turned."

"You give me far too much credit, Jolee. I was closer than you might have believed me to be. It was so tempting..."

"And yet you did not give in to those temptations," Jolee simply stated. "There have been many who might not have been able to even do that, had they been walking in your shoes."

"Still..." Ayden winced involuntarily as another headache made its presence known through a wave of pain. Slightly disorientated, he began to rub his temple again.

"How bad are they?"

"Honestly?" Ayden asked, frowning as he looked at the other man. Although Jolee was trying to hide it, the older man's concern for his well-being was more than evident.

Jolee nodded.

"They're getting more frequent...and painful. At first I thought that it was nothing, but now I'm actually starting to get worried. I haven't been sleeping all that great either."

"Had any nightmares recently?"

"No...not that I can remember. Why do you ask?"

"No particular reason, kid," Jolee answered with a shrug. He handed the canister back to Ayden. "Just an old man's curiousity. And, certainly nothing to knock yourself out about."

"That's good to know," Ayden grimaced as the headache slowly receded back into nothingness. He took another swig from the canister and felt the liquid burn as it made its way down his throat.

"Garrmorl."

"What?"

"Garrmorl…" Jolee pointed at the cannister. "It's a Wookie beverage I smuggled onboard the ship before we left Kashyyyk. It's considered to quite potent."

"There's something you're not telling me, Jolee," Ayden sensed, wiping away beads of sweat off his forehead. Squinting his eyes, Ayden looked at the older man sitting beside him. Unfortunately, it took him a while to realize that the outline of his vision had graduately started to blur.

"Well...when I said 'potent', I meant potent by Wookie standards. Hell...believe me when I tell you that not even every Wookie actually manages to stomach this stuff," the old man laughed softly.

"And you let me drink this?" he asked incredulously. "Why?"

"Don't worry, kid. You can thank me later."

"Thank you? I should have let HK shoot you earlier on," Ayden returned as his attempt to get back on to his feet failed miserably. It seemed like the entire room was spinning. He lay down on his back and stared at the ceiling.

"Easy there," Jolee offered as he pulled Ayden up from the floor. "Think of it this way...in your current state you cannot possibly show up at the festivities later on. You may not agree with me right about now, but you should actually consider this whole thing a blessing. First things first though, we need to get you to your bunk..."


End file.
